don’t i have a project due?

9 Apr

well, two on wednesday.

but, sometimes i just wanna go destroy something.

not something important. when i was in physics, i spent three weeks building a bridge out of popsicle sticks. it had to be under a certain weight, but it also had to hold a certain amount of weight. mine was perfect.

i did all the work in my group. we got an a, mostly because i stayed after school and my teacher and i worked on it. he knew how important it was to me to get an a in his class, to prove that i was good at everything.

when i finished the project, though, he told me to go destroy the bridge. he told me that what i had built was already good enough. he told me it was a work. i had done it, so i got my grade. he looked at me and he told me that i needed to learn that sometimes getting the a wasn’t really that great if it just made me upset, if i got so stressed that i stopped spending time on me.

he wrote the a in the grade book, then took me outside, and watched me smack the bridge into the school building over and over until it was in such tiny pieces that no one would have ever known that it was anything but trash.

i cried that night because what he said was so true. i spend so much time worrying about making everything perfect that i never take the time to have fun learning. i don’t know what it’s like to have fun in a class, or a club, or any of my work.

i don’t even know how to have fun on the internet, because i have to make sure that everything i type is so correct and that it perfectly represents me, or at least the me that i want to project.

is there any way to change that?

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